The Death of Grass: Brexit preppers

I’m annoyed (*) to report that I’ve now felt driven to start my own no deal Brexit stockpile. I don’t trust the government, nor at least two-thirds of Derby’s MPs (one Conservative, one Labour, both appalling), to act in our best interests. I hope that this post looks silly – really silly – very soon, but I’m too uncomfortable to do nothing before March 29th. Most people who answered my poll a couple of weeks ago – on Twitter and on Facebook – were thinking about stockpiling as well. There seems to be an increasing number of Brexit preppers around.

I’ve decided not to take my stockpiling to the extremes that some preppers have. I’m not stockpiling camping gas and bottled water for example. If the lights go out, the gas goes off and water supplies fail, then there’ll be rather more to worry about. It would take “Death of Grass” style preparations to properly address such a possibility. My brother isn’t a Yorkshire farmer with a stockade and machine gun, so I’m already at a disadvantage over the characters in John Christopher’s novel.

Back cover of "The death of grass" by John Christopher
This 1956 book obviously wasn’t written about Brexit, but … “The fearful national policies and immediate personal dangers which confront them are horrifying in their impact”

Instead, I’m targeting non-perishable and long shelf life goods, and aiming for 4-6 week’s supply by the time Brexit day arrives. I realise that I’m fortunate to be able to do this and others won’t be. If I’d been having my stem cell transplant around this time it wouldn’t have been possible.

My list currently has the following items on it. They’re mostly things I’d buy anyway (with a couple of exceptions), so I guess I could justify it as forward buying, but it’s not. I’d usually want to outsource stock rotation to the experts in the supermarket …

Non-perishables

  • Toilet paper, washing machine tablets, dishwasher tablets, razor blades, soap, other detergents and cleaners, deodorant, toothpaste, over the counter medicines

Tinned food

  • Fish: Tuna, crab (not a fish, obviously), sardines, salmon, mackerel, pilchards
  • Meat: Cured chicken (I’m hoping that this tastes better than it sounds), tinned meat and tinned pies
  • Vegetables: Potatoes, carrots, sweetcorn, peas, chopped tomatoes, red kidney beans (UK grown fresh vegetables are in short supply in April and May)
  • Fruit: Grapefruit segments, pineapple, apple, berries
  • Convenience: Baked beans, spaghetti hoops, soup

Jars and bottles

  • Olives, salmon, crab and beef paste, mustard, oils, ketchup, Worcester sauce, vinegar, anchovies, pickled beetroot, honey, passata

Dried food

  • Pasta, rice, porridge oats, sugar, tea, coffee, gravy granules, stock cubes, milk powder, cornflakes, weetabix, nuts

Garden seeds

  • Salad leaves, runner beans, broad beans, tomatoes etc.

Liquid sustenance

  • Long-life orange juice, diet cola, beer, wine

While a calamitous no deal Brexit remains a possibility I shall keep on adding to my stocks. Once it’s clear that particular threat has gone away (and I hope that it does), then I will donate any surplus I have to a local food bank.

If you still think this is all a little extreme, even confident Tory Brexiter MPs seem to be stockpiling in the name of “preparedness”. I guess the snowdrifts must be really something to behold in Berwick if they last throughout the summer.

(*) “Annoyed” is typical British understatement, but I try to keep the language on here to PG levels.

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Reader Comments

  1. Gail Ollis

    Middle class stockpile essentials of olives and anchovies! Re chicken, how about the tinned stuff in white sauce? Rather good with a piece of fried bread… if you can get bread!

    • tim

      Olives in jars are cheap (and delicious)! If we’re going to live in a dystopian mad max world (David Davis said Brexit wouldn’t be like that, so it probably will be) then you’re going to have to prise my olives and anchovies away from my cold, dead hands … 😀

  2. Gail Ollis

    Iirc, Sainsbury’s cans of chilli con carne are pretty good. And the rice to join them is already on the list.. If I were joining in I’d have nice wax sealed cheese tucked away in a cool place too. (Or like Pepys, you could bury it!)

Your thoughts?